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Dublin Hammers Trip - Everton - Sunday 29th October 2023

The ‘Johann from the Netherlands’ Trip - West Ham United 0 vs Everton 1

On a bright sunny Autumn morning, members of the Dublin Hammers arrived at Dublin Airport. Our usual meeting/drinking establishment ‘Leopolds’ was under going refurbishment, so we gathered at ’The Tap and Brew’, which so happened to be right next to our departure gate, this, the Travel Secretary assured us was the fruit of his meticulous pre-planning! The next hour or so was spent chatting with a steady flow of members coming back from the bar laden with pints. The flight was called and we watched the queue go down before getting on the end and boarding the plane.

At Stansted we were met by the mini-bus and after a brief ‘club flag photo call’ we climbed on and headed off to sunny Romford. Along the way the President brought out the quiz questions and a lively ‘3 lives and out’ quiz began. Hilarity broke out during the final playoff as the President asked “Name a Scottish club that once played in the FA Cup“… “Gascoigne” came the reply!

We arrived at Romford and headed straight to the Premier Inn, checked in, and we were off! The club shop was visited, lunch was eaten and we gathered in the the Romford Bull. Out came the quiz questions again… the 3 teams were named after ’certain’ East End pubs. By now the drink had started to kick-in and the President had to threaten one team with a yellow card to maintain control! 'The Axe’ team won, with ‘The Sports Bar’ team coming last and having to endure an old Dublin Hammers tradition of having The Simpsons theme tune sung at them by the other 2 teams.

Early evening saw members heading off to get changed/eat etc. Ten or so members headed off to find “The Blue Orchid”, a Chinese restaurant that according to trip advisor, was the best Chinese in Romford. We arrived to find the place packed and a look of abject horror on the owners face when ten lads walked through the door. ‘You should have booked” says he, “Bollocks” said we, and trooped back to the Main Street. One group headed to KFC, the rest back to the Bull, which ‘for future reference’ serves decent bar food.

Then the heavens opened, looking out of the pub window the rain lashed down on Market Square. The ‘KFC’ group took refuge in the Golden Lion, while the Bull group settled down to watch the Rugby World Cup final. Come half time, the call comes in from the KFC group, “there’s music and a bit of craic going on here”. As the rain had eased, those not interested in the rugby headed off to the Golden Lion immediately, but come the final whistle the others joined us and we were all, once again, back together… what followed was an evening that will go into Dublin Hammers folklore!

True to the word, The Golden Lion was lively, a guy dressed in a Halloween costume was up on the stage and sang an array of party tunes over backing tracks, the dance floor was full and the drinks were flowing. I got a call from the President (whom I was room sharing with), he couldn’t remember the room number, I sent it to him and assumed he was turning in for the night. About half an hour later Bad News says to me “Here, look at that fella sitting in the corner by the bar, he looks the split of the President ‘with hair’, it took about 10 seconds for us to actually register that, in fact, it was the president. He’d gone back to the room, put a wig on, walked back into the pub and sat down at the bar without any of us noticing!

With a perfect Dutch accent he introduced himself as ‘Johann from the Netherlands’ and proceeded to chat to all and sundry before taking over the dance floor with his own flamboyant style. At one stage he had the entire pub doing the thunderclap’ made famous by Icelantic football fans. Johann stayed with us for a couple of laughter filled hours, however, at last he left us when he was asked by one young lady if he could speak Dutch? “Ya, of course” says he, come and meet my friend says she. Upon meeting, the friend speaks to him in Dutch… “I can’t speak Dutch” says Johann in an Irish accent… disgruntled, she tells him to “F**k off Paddy”… and Johann’s true identity was revealed. The story of Johanns’ untimely demise did the rounds causing much hilarity amongst members.

As usual with these evenings we are joined by others along the way and that night was no different. ‘Honorary Dublin Hammers Members’ for the evening were Cameron and the lovely Cherry, who somehow had the fortune/misfortune to find themselves surrounded. However, I believe they had a good evening and fully embraced the spirit of the night. Camerons’ handle bar moustache the topic of much conversation. Sadly the music stopped and the evening came to an end. Most members headed off to bed after the long day, but a few ‘hardy souls’ did continue on into the early hours.

Sunday morning arrived and the secretary was on the phone early, “come on” says he, “we’re leaving in 10 minutes”. I leapt out of bed, minutes later he called back again… “relax, I forgot the clocks went back”! Once up and running, some had breakfast in the hotel, others got the train to Stratford. ‘The Stratford Bull’ opened at 11 and we gathered there for pre-match drinks and to meet old friends. We made our way up to the stadium in the midday drizzle and took our places in the ground.

The team selection was announced and early optimism with the inclusion of Kudus was soon dashed as we were treated to a Moyes tactical master-class. We made just one chance in the first half. Everton bullied us and got their goal early in the second half, as we once again again struggled to get going after the break. Moyes made changes which brought more urgency to the game, but the truth was, the tactics were wrong and the players were poor, continually making bad decisions when in promising situations. Everton came close to adding a second after a breakaway, but Areola denied them with a great save. Don’t think I’ll waste any more of your reading time with that shite. We lost… miserably! “Should have stayed in the pub” remarked one member.

Things got back on track as we returned to the Bull for after-match drinks. Buckets of KFC and cans had been arranged by the Secretary and Treasurer and when the mini-bus arrived at 4.30pm a band of very merry Dublin Hammers boarded. The sound of eating and cans being opened was the soundtrack in the bus as we left Stratford and joined the motorway. There was a slight altercation when those at the back of the bus discovered that those at the front had scoffed most of the chips, however, it didn’t last long as a sing-song broke out interspersed with plenty of wise cracks and much laughter! Those of you who have done that journey at the end of the weekend know the score.

Thankfully security at Stanstead was great, we flew through and in no time at all were congregating again, this time in Weatherspoons. Alas, the flight was called and we headed for the plane. A slight drama held up take-off as a fellow passenger collapsed at the foot of the boarding stairs, then again half-way up. A couple of Dublin Hammers who were behind came to the rescue and helped get him up into the plane. Medical staff were called and they checked him out. Sitting 3 rows away, I was able to keep an eye on proceedings keeping everyone abreast of the situation via WhatsApp. The Sec, in his own ‘inimitable style’ posted that they should (ahem) “Get him off the plane”. We eventually took off and arrived back in Dublin safely. Well done to the Travel Sec, Secretary and Treasurer for looking after us all. The president for the quiz questions… and last but not least ‘Johann from the Netherlands’ for the laughs. Roll on the next one!

Report 5by Paul Smith. The photos are from everyone! back to top of page